What is the best way to stop make troubles to 1)me 2)others?
What is the best way to stop make troubles to 1)me 2)others?
What is the best way to stop make troubles to 1)me 2)others?
As your question is ambiguous, I will assume that you are asking me what is the best way for you to stop causing yourself trouble and to stop causing trouble to others.
Why do we make trouble for ourselves? No one wants to do this, yet we often do. Here is a short list of reasons:
* We consciously or subconsciously feel that we should be punished for some offensive act we have done in the past.
* We are simply ignorant of how to act and end up suffering the consequences of not knowing what works and what doesn't.
* We do not feel we should be punished, we know what to do and how to do it, but circumstances work against us and we end up causing ourselves trouble despite our sincere efforts to avoid it.
There may be more reasons, but I shall restrict this discussion to these.
If we feel we should be punished for something we have done, not done, said or not said, we have to deal with the cause of this feeling by fostering a reconciliation with the past. There are a variety of ways to do this. One can revisit the person, place or thing which was involved in the act which gives us heartache and attempting to rectify the situation by apologizing, getting forgiveness, righting a wrong with an act of goodness, doing some penance or austerity, or in any other heart-felt manner we find appropriate. This might not be possible, for example, in the case of someone who has died; in this case, we have to learn to live with ourselves. One can either X out the event (see the techniques in Hari's Corner) or one can forgive oneself. What happened, happened and there is often little we can do to change this. Acceptance of our imperfection is often an important factor in self-healing. It gives us the strength to go on when we are discouraged with our inabilities.
If we are simply ignorant, the solution is to gain knowledge. There are systems of knowledge that provide us with the capacity to act properly in important situations. The socially inept can learn to communicate with others, the financially inadequate can get a grip on their economy through courses in money management, the emotionally handicapped can find assistance to become aware of their own feelings and thus gain insight into the feelings of others, and there are courses of learning to assist one in respecting one's body and mind. By approaching those who have knowledge, one can get training in areas of weakness.
If the consequences of our previous decisions have captured us in a web of responses, there is little we can do but surrender to the power of our co-creation and ride out the storm. When we respond to each situation with integrity, always doing the best we can, always seeking to do what is right, and appropriately responding with a desire to work things out rather than resisting that which comes to us, we will have an easier time dealing with these difficult periods. The more we fight against the net, the tighter it can become. What you resist, persists. By respecting the power we are facing, our awareness of how the universe responds to us can deepen our understanding of what we value, what we want, and to what extent we will go to get it.
You have asked how we stop causing trouble to others. If our troubles are related to the complex network of our previous choices that have captured us, the paragraph above will also help us to better formulate our responses to other persons. If we are lacking in the basic skills required to properly interact with others, then the response related to a lack of knowledge will assist us to better relate with others. If the trouble we give to others is related to our inner frustration or fears, then the reply to how we deal with the feeling we should be punished would be relevant. Those who are frustrated often feel a need to be a cause of frustration for those around them. They might see this is a way to bring balance into their lives.
Sometimes we cause trouble to others just so we can gain their attention. For those who are not ordinarily '˜visible' in the world, a way to gain attention and perhaps ultimately be recognized and appreciated, is to create some situation where other people are forced to relate with them. It is a situation not unlike the little boy in school who pulls the hair of the cute little girl. The girl thinks he is a complete annoyance and 'hates' him, but he really only wants to relate with her and gain her attention. Due to his lack of experience, he uses this primitive technique. Some adults use a variance on this schoolyard practice and cause troubles to others hoping they will understand and interact sympathetically. More often than not, this does not work and thus their frustration increases. Being aware of this possibility will limit one's utilization of pulling hair as a means to gain attention.
To properly answer this question, one would have to reproduce already written psychological treatises. I have merely touched upon this deep question with my remarks.
As a general rule, if we accept the ideal of being of service to others, we will be better able to avoid causing trouble to others. However, we have to avoid the pitfalls that will derail our good intentions! Being of service does not mean:
* You know better than the person or persons to whom you wish to be of service.
* Your service has to be accepted, appreciated, or rewarded.
* Your service is needed and without it being rendered things cannot be right.
If your service is desired and you desire to give it, always consider the situation of those you assist and do not force yourself on them in any manner. Be sensitive to their energy and you shall have an easier time finding a compatible balance in your life.
Why do we make trouble for ourselves? No one wants to do this, yet we often do. Here is a short list of reasons:
* We consciously or subconsciously feel that we should be punished for some offensive act we have done in the past.
* We are simply ignorant of how to act and end up suffering the consequences of not knowing what works and what doesn't.
* We do not feel we should be punished, we know what to do and how to do it, but circumstances work against us and we end up causing ourselves trouble despite our sincere efforts to avoid it.
There may be more reasons, but I shall restrict this discussion to these.
If we feel we should be punished for something we have done, not done, said or not said, we have to deal with the cause of this feeling by fostering a reconciliation with the past. There are a variety of ways to do this. One can revisit the person, place or thing which was involved in the act which gives us heartache and attempting to rectify the situation by apologizing, getting forgiveness, righting a wrong with an act of goodness, doing some penance or austerity, or in any other heart-felt manner we find appropriate. This might not be possible, for example, in the case of someone who has died; in this case, we have to learn to live with ourselves. One can either X out the event (see the techniques in Hari's Corner) or one can forgive oneself. What happened, happened and there is often little we can do to change this. Acceptance of our imperfection is often an important factor in self-healing. It gives us the strength to go on when we are discouraged with our inabilities.
If we are simply ignorant, the solution is to gain knowledge. There are systems of knowledge that provide us with the capacity to act properly in important situations. The socially inept can learn to communicate with others, the financially inadequate can get a grip on their economy through courses in money management, the emotionally handicapped can find assistance to become aware of their own feelings and thus gain insight into the feelings of others, and there are courses of learning to assist one in respecting one's body and mind. By approaching those who have knowledge, one can get training in areas of weakness.
If the consequences of our previous decisions have captured us in a web of responses, there is little we can do but surrender to the power of our co-creation and ride out the storm. When we respond to each situation with integrity, always doing the best we can, always seeking to do what is right, and appropriately responding with a desire to work things out rather than resisting that which comes to us, we will have an easier time dealing with these difficult periods. The more we fight against the net, the tighter it can become. What you resist, persists. By respecting the power we are facing, our awareness of how the universe responds to us can deepen our understanding of what we value, what we want, and to what extent we will go to get it.
You have asked how we stop causing trouble to others. If our troubles are related to the complex network of our previous choices that have captured us, the paragraph above will also help us to better formulate our responses to other persons. If we are lacking in the basic skills required to properly interact with others, then the response related to a lack of knowledge will assist us to better relate with others. If the trouble we give to others is related to our inner frustration or fears, then the reply to how we deal with the feeling we should be punished would be relevant. Those who are frustrated often feel a need to be a cause of frustration for those around them. They might see this is a way to bring balance into their lives.
Sometimes we cause trouble to others just so we can gain their attention. For those who are not ordinarily '˜visible' in the world, a way to gain attention and perhaps ultimately be recognized and appreciated, is to create some situation where other people are forced to relate with them. It is a situation not unlike the little boy in school who pulls the hair of the cute little girl. The girl thinks he is a complete annoyance and 'hates' him, but he really only wants to relate with her and gain her attention. Due to his lack of experience, he uses this primitive technique. Some adults use a variance on this schoolyard practice and cause troubles to others hoping they will understand and interact sympathetically. More often than not, this does not work and thus their frustration increases. Being aware of this possibility will limit one's utilization of pulling hair as a means to gain attention.
To properly answer this question, one would have to reproduce already written psychological treatises. I have merely touched upon this deep question with my remarks.
As a general rule, if we accept the ideal of being of service to others, we will be better able to avoid causing trouble to others. However, we have to avoid the pitfalls that will derail our good intentions! Being of service does not mean:
* You know better than the person or persons to whom you wish to be of service.
* Your service has to be accepted, appreciated, or rewarded.
* Your service is needed and without it being rendered things cannot be right.
If your service is desired and you desire to give it, always consider the situation of those you assist and do not force yourself on them in any manner. Be sensitive to their energy and you shall have an easier time finding a compatible balance in your life.